MUSINGS ON MUSE TO AMUSE YOU, THE FANS

before i get to what i did last night, ive been meaning to comment on the latest bob lefsetz manifesto. you may remember mr lefsetz from such douche-expulsions as the previously torn apart anti-lollapalooza rant. remember? the one where he said no one would pay to see morrissey at a festival? right. well here he goes again... this time hes actually got some extraordinarily valid points, but the missing piece is once again evident in his ignorance towards... oh hell, just read:

I don't think the major labels have realized. The business has switched from push to pull.

Now if you want to break something PHONY, MANUFACTURED, EMPTY! THEN you must hype it. You must force it down the throat of the casual music buyer. Convince them that they need to hear this single again and again and again. That if they don't have this CD, they won't be a member of the club, they won't be able to get into the party, they'll be hopelessly unhip.

Only one problem. They ARE unhip.

push to pull, push to pull... it took me a while to get what he was going for here, but im gonna go ahead and assume hes talking about the many thousands of people lined up to buy william hungs album because theyre pretty sure thats what paula abdul-jabbar would want.

The question arises. Are THESE the people the music business wants to address? It's like selling pantyhose to gray-haired males. You might be able to convince SOME of them to buy the undergarments for their wives, but really, don't you want to sell them VIAGRA??? Isn't the music business gonna grow by selling products the ACTIVE buyer wants to purchase??

ed note: these "active" buyers hes referring to? thats us! the FANS!

So, why aren't the labels preaching to THEIR market?

I'll never know.

And I'm gonna tell you a secret about the labels' market. They NEED to own the CD. Just like the casual buyer. Downloading is not enough. They need to be closer to the act. They feel if they don't own the authorized CD somehow the act will be able to tell from up on stage. They'll be ostracized. THEY won't be members of the club. The MUSIC club.

Yes, let's divide right here. Between those into music and those just wanting to be hip.

If you're a music fan, an active buyer, you FORAGE for new acts.

This used to require reading. It used to require trips to the record store. But no longer. Now we've got the Net.

ah yes, the net. the blogosphere. he knows where its at.

But let's be clear. People aren't sampling and buying Jessica Simpson. All the other two-dimensional acts. They're sampling what they consider to be CREDIBLE!

And YOU can't convince them that an act is credible. THEY MUST DECIDE THIS FOR THEMSELVES! From word of mouth.

youre preaching to the converted, my good man... see, this is what im saying, mr lefsetz has the utmost of good intentions, suggesting that the influence within the music industry is finally swaying in favor of credible acts thanks to the net, etc. this theory is very much inforced by my story from yesterday about john mayer and franz ferdinand, but ill let bob continue...

Jay Marciano had invited me to Coachella. I didn't go. I've got my excuses. None of them good.

But when I was in a conference call with Jay and Tommy Nast on Monday afternoon, doing a post mortem, hearing what bands had killed at the festival, after mentioning the Pixies, and Radiohead, Jay started talking about MUSE!

Now Coachella was a major festival. With DOZENS of acts. And some act I've never heard of was one of the KILLERS?

Not one in all the press, but an UNKNOWN ONE?

That's the exciting part. One can get in on the ground floor. On something NEW!

I made a mental note.

wait. back up. did he just admit to never hearing of MUSE? oooh its getting good...

So last night I went to see the band.

The gig was sold out. OVERSOLD in fact.

This didn't even happen in the SEVENTIES! Word couldn't spread that fast.

But now, with the Net, those in the know can be in the know THAT MUCH FASTER!

And believe me, these people were in the know. They knew the tracks.

And Muse's performance was not at all like what the average person thinks music is today.

Really, quiz somebody. Those casual buyers, they think today's music is about rap, boy bands, wardrobes, bling-bling.

Whereas NONE of those descriptions fit Muse.

You see Muse is a BAND! Listening to them one doesn't get the faintest IOTA of an inclination that they're doing ANYTHING because someone TOLD them to.

isnt it fascinating what a discerning music-industry critic thinks of a band that is already so tremendously popular? especially considering the fact that he thinks hes "getting in on the ground floor?" this is comparable to someone coming over to you on the street today and whispering into your ear, with the utmost of pride, that they have JUST discovered a new band... one that will change the face of the music world... called THE DARKNESS.

You see everything's DIFFERENT NOW!

The plan is to tour the band. Actually, I'd say to do NO radio. Hell, they're never going to cross over to Top Forty. EVERY OTHER radio format is a niche. If you SELL the band you're only going to risk ALIENATING people. Let the PEOPLE have this band.

They'll find out. Because the FANS will sell Muse. That's their JOB! That's the job of ALL active music buyers. To SPREAD THE WORD!

Unfortunately, major labels have ROBBED THEM of this ability. By FORCING THE STORY!

Oh, there's nothing inherently wrong with Muse radio play. But, if they become the band of the summer, or WHATEVER season. And their videos are on MTV. And they play all the radio shows. And they pass the mic on Saturday afternoon on VH1. The fans will VOMIT! That's THEIR band. Why are you selling them to the CASUAL BUYER! Who DOESN'T CARE!

finally, something we can all agree on. or at least i can. this is essentially tapping into every rant ive ever written about bowery ballroom gigs overrun by the black-pants brigade from major labels-- those asses who salivate and analyze and try to figure out a way to squeeze the most teen-bop money out of a hapless, credible act.

God, don't even THINK about selling to the casual buyer until album three or four, when hard core fans won't care, when they've had the act to THEMSELVES for a long enough while.

hey buddy! guess how many albums MUSE have released!

So, what does Muse sound like?

It doesn't matter. That's not what I'm writing about here. A professional judges by the reaction of the crowd, the RABIDITY!

These were NOT casual fans.

ed note: does this make me a PROFESSIONAL??? and here i thought i was just an apt observer.

And they weren't teenagers EITHER! No, today's active record buyer is a TWENTYSOMETHING, a THIRYSOMETHING! They still BELIEVE! The teenagers see music like video games, just another ACCESSORY!

For DECADES we've been worried about how to get the message out. What we were selling was SECONDARY. The key was to fly above the FRAY!

No longer. Oh, you can still sell. But that's making a mistake.

The new paradigm is just to sign a great act. The PUBLIC will take it to platinum. The PUBLIC will sell the act.

it ends with that. youve been warned. it is now your job, PUBE-LICK, to take an act (*ahem* killers *ahem*) to platinum. thank you good morning.